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The impact of electroshock on my life

February 8, 2018 By Deborah Schwartzkopff

Deborah Schwartzkopff
Deborah Schwartzkopff

It is difficult to describe fully in words what I live with daily after having electroshock. I had to relearn and reteach myself many things. I live day to day, often in the moment, as I cannot recall very much of my past. I do not carry my history any longer. For the most part, what I know of my history has been parroted back to me by friends and family.

People will come up to me at times and start conversations as if we know one another, and I confabulate to cover my embarrassment in not knowing who they are. If others are with me they will tell me later that it was someone I used to know.

I do not experience memory any longer in the “reliving of the memory”. It is as if I read a sentence pertaining to a memory in a book that someone else wrote. I cannot remember conversations, books, movies, shared good times or bad times.

I have kept journals since 2013 and I have written about my difficulty in retaining memory. I keep copious notes, chalk boards, and voice recorders.

I used to be able to retain some memory for about a week. Now it is down to a couple of days. Days fall away into an abyss and the memories associated with them.

I am often told “you seem fine”. But that is the farthest thing from the truth if they knew. I do not recall even the significant events in my life that one looks forward to and loves to reminisce about.

Lost Family History

I have two grown sons. The knowledge and experience of their lives have basically been erased in my mind. I recently took a friend’s child to a play center where another family was having a birthday party for their child. I started to try to think of my own children’s’ birthdays and could not recall one. I became very distraught at this realization and began to weep. What presents were my child’s favorite? What did their cakes look like? What did they make me in school? What were their first words? What was it like to smell and hold them for the first time? What, did they want to be when they grew up? What about their proms? What about…?

Due to electroshock, memories of the day of my wedding, the birth of my children, etc. are lost to me. I do not keep photos of my family up in my home. It is too painful as I cannot tie memory to the events in the photographs.

A Lost Career

I know I dreamed of being a nurse since I was a small girl. My life as a nurse was my passion.  My goal was to become a flight nurse. I cared deeply about my patients, and would have done anything to protect them. Electroshock erased almost all memory of an almost 25-year career as well as my college education.

A Life Erased

My life as I knew it has been erased. Who I was has been erased. The experience of my closest relationships has been erased and is daily erased with each interaction.

I used to have a photographic memory. Now, based on neuro/cognitive testing, I have a 10% visual memory ability . An MRI reveals lesions and atrophy in the frontal and temporal regions where I had ECT. I suffer at times with panic attacks, agoraphobia, double vision, and can easily become disorientated in my surroundings. I have severe sleep issues and rarely dream any longer. I have periodic suicidal depressions (the risk of suicide doubles following ECT). I show abnormalities on the four neuro/cognitive tests that I have had done. In the results of one is a comment about “the magnitude of her cognitive deficits”.

At night when falling asleep I try to think about the past, and it often creates a sense of panic when I cannot recall these memories. I have to learn to let it go each day.

I have seen a therapist for the past couple of years and do not remember a single session. I can remember some excerpts from a  session, but it is out of context and any kind of time frame perspective. Any insights gained I have to get into one of my journals before it is forgotten. I often review my latest journal and many notes to keep me functional in my life daily. It is very difficult to describe this memory and cognitive losses. One feels almost disconnected from the emotions of memory and it is simply what I call a “thought memory” and not the actual re-living of the experience. When having an enjoyable conversation with a friend or family member, I often find myself wishing that I could hold onto the memory of this time with them, but I know it will most likely be entirely lost to me within a couple of days.

The Violations of ECT

My autobiographical history has been erased. Electroshock victims often will call this “ECT rape”. That is not an overstatement. I feel it is more a rape of the soul. The memory loss associated with this is global.

Like a rape victim, I deal with a great deal of anger at the arrogance of the medical establishment which allows this to take place and then covers for one another. This misjustice of patient care is criminal.

The Mental Health System & Electroshock

What I have learned in this mental health system around this issue of electroshock is that advocating for patients is the farthest thing from people’s minds. It’s about not rocking the boat. It’s the “we know what is best for you” attitude. It is abuse of power, and that abuse of power mostly impacts women. It’s about the way “it has always been done.” I say firmly, NO! Physicians, have a duty to warn, a duty to protect, and a duty to not cause harm. They are not warning, and they are not protecting. They are failing criminally here. All the support staff witnessing this and saying nothing are just as culpable. This would not be tolerated in any other patient population.

Psychiatrists tout this as life-saving. Likewise, is the cardiac defibrillator. Yet in the case of the defibrillator there has been responsible testing of both the procedure and device. To use a device and do a procedure without any FDA testing for safety or effectiveness, and withholding this from patients is inexcusable.

Psychiatrists using ECT inflict known traumatic brain injuries in patients, and claim it is beneficial.  At the same time they elaborate on neurocognitive and neuropsychiatric damages secondary to electrical trauma in their own literature.

Our memories are what make up a significant part of who we are. Mine are lost to me. I cannot recall the tenderness between friends in conversations and things shared, the looks of my children when they were happy or naughty, the nuance of a group of people and how it made me feel in a time, a good meal, a funeral of a loved one, or good books read.

I am not alone

We are not patients locked on some back ward of a state hospital. This is happening in many notable teaching facilities and at reputable HMO’s such as Kaiser Permanente. Many of us had families and careers before we came into this psychiatric system. Finding ourselves in difficult circumstances we turned to psychiatry for help. We believed what was told to us by physicians we entrusted with our care.  Do not think that this cannot happen to you. We have been lied to and our complaints resulting from this procedure have been discounted.

The courage and the resilience of my peers is noteworthy. We struggle daily to maintain our lives after this procedure, and want justice for what has been done to us.

It is important for my peers to be willing to speak out about this and bring attention to this issue. We should be angry, not ashamed, at what was done to us. There is a media page set up on this site that I encourage all involved around the issue of electroshock to fill out.

We are up against the FDA, the APA, and major health institutions that have made a great deal of money at this for decades. If we are not willing to speak out and garner media attention, it will be that much more difficult to bring an end to this. I encourage you to each reach out to media and share what has happened to you and continues to happen to others globally every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. I believe in speaking out that attorneys will see cause to bring future suits, and it will protect others who may be considering this procedure.

I am grateful to my peers for their support and strong Spirits. And I am encouraged by their courage and determination. No one has the right to rob another of the human right of a lived and remembered experience.

Filed Under: Articles

Ending ECT: From a Lawsuit to a Novel – The Moment is Now! – BizOMadness

October 30, 2017 By Deborah Schwartzkopff

Bonnie Burstow PHD
Bonnie Burstow PHD

Eyes peer at me, then quickly look away.
Because they are afraid.
Because they sense the humiliation.
Because they know not what else to do.
Stretchers in front of me. Stretchers behind me.
Some poor soul being dragged where none of us want to go.

Who would have thought that a single shriek could fill the universe?

from Burstow, 2017—The Other Mrs. Smith

 

In the midst of flagrant professional misrepresentation of ECT, this article will provide hard-hitting and accurate information about the “psychiatric treatment” known as electroshock (ECT). This is a call to arms. Quite simply, the time has come for a frontal assault on the ECT industry and on the professionals associated with it. The time has come to rid society of this barbaric “treatment” altogether.

Naturally, it would make no sense to call for the end to a “treatment” unless it was, first and foremost, clearly profoundly injurious. So…

What are the Salient Facts about Electroshock?

There are so many horrific facts about ECT that it would take several articles to list them all. In a nutshell, however, some of the most pressing of these are:

Read full article in the BizOMadness Blog ->

Filed Under: Articles

What the Science and Evidence Tell Us About Electroshock

September 10, 2017 By Deborah Schwartzkopff

Professor John Read

James Moore interviews Professor John Read in this Mad in America podcast.  Professor Read talks about his research into the safety and efficacy of Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT).

Professor Read worked for nearly 20 years as a Clinical Psychologist and manager of mental health services in the UK and the USA, before joining the University of Auckland, New Zealand, where he worked until 2013.

Click the play button below.

MAD IN AMERICA: SCIENCE, PSYCHIATRY AND SOCIAL JUSTICE

Click here for a detailed summary of this podcast, and to join the discussion on this topic.

 

 

Filed Under: Articles

Stop FDA from Down-Classifying the Electroshock Device – MindFreedom International

April 4, 2016 By Deborah Schwartzkopff

MindFreedom International

Sign MindFreedom International’s Petition

#FDASTOPTHESHOCKDEVICEThere is a long history of the FDA attempting to remove the experimental status of the shock device. There is an even longer history of those who have been subjected to shock treatment and their allies working to expose the damage shock treatment causes. Shock treatment has robbed people of the memories of their lives, their education, skills, passions, relationships, children, significant others, and total sense of oneself.  For decades, when proper rule-making processes were upheld, the voices of those whose lives were destroyed by shock treatment reached those in power and prevented the down-classification of the shock device from happening.

Read & sign the petition ->

Filed Under: Articles

Comments by Shock Survivors & Their Loved Ones – Mad in America

April 4, 2016 By Deborah Schwartzkopff

Lauren Tenney PHD
Lauren Tenney PHD

Lauren Tenney, PhD, MPhil, MPA, is a psychiatric survivor and environmental psychologist.

The #FDAStopTheShockDevice petition has received over 2,200 signatures and 800+ comments. A more thorough analysis of those comments is forthcoming, however, we wanted to offer a glimpse of what people shared. The sixth, seventh, and eighth most common words used in the comments submitted through the petition were “damage,” “barbaric” and “torture.” We must continue the fight to make sure that the FDA hears the people who will be adversely affected by the proposed rule if it becomes an order. There is still a small window of time for you to sign the petition and leave a comment to the FDA.

Read full article in Mad in America ->

Filed Under: Articles

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Static-Electricity "and the ashes will be blown away from the tops of their heads. It is edict! It is writ!"

Welcome

Welcome to the ECT survivors website.

News & Events

  • Don’t swallow everything you’re told as the truth May 22, 2019
  • Failure to speak out against ECT May 17, 2019
  • Family Secrets May 14, 2019
  • Stop Shocking and Torturing Women – Mad in America May 13, 2019
  • Lou Reed: That Which Does Not Kill Us Can Radicalize Us – Mad in America May 6, 2019
  • An open letter to medical professionals April 24, 2019

Pages

  • After care following electroshock
  • Be a Media Spokesperson for ECT Victims
  • Blog
  • Deborah Schwartzkopff on Electroshock
  • Dr. John Breeding Discusses ECT
  • ECT & Children
  • ECT & Informed Consent
  • ECT Destroys Lives
  • ECT Questionnaire
  • ECT Survivor Kenny on Life After Electroshock
  • ECT Survivor Mary Maddock’s story
  • ECT Survivor Stories
  • FDA’s 2011 Hearings on Reclassifying ECT
  • Info about ECT
  • Is Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) Effective?
    by Philip Hickey, PhD
  • Medical Records
  • Neurologist John M. Friedberg on ECT
  • No One Should Be Given Shock Treatment
  • Peter Breggin, MD: Electroshock is Brain Trauma
  • Recommended Reading
  • Resources
  • Whistleblowers

About ECT Justice

ECT Justice was created to help advocate for ECT survivors and their families and to gather and disseminate information about known risks of ECT.  If you are an ECT survivor suffering from post-ECT cognitive deficiencies, please know you are not alone.  By sharing your issues, we are able to continue our efforts toward helping ensure that appropriate warnings of the potential risk of permanent injury gets provided to anyone considering ECT. Together we can make a difference.

Recent Posts

  • Don’t swallow everything you’re told as the truth May 22, 2019
  • Failure to speak out against ECT May 17, 2019
  • Family Secrets May 14, 2019
  • Stop Shocking and Torturing Women – Mad in America May 13, 2019
  • Lou Reed: That Which Does Not Kill Us Can Radicalize Us – Mad in America May 6, 2019
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